Being an ally to the LGBTQIA+ community
Being an ally to the LGBTQIA+ community is not just about expressing support for civil rights or having queer friends. A true alliance is an ongoing commitment, a process of learning and taking concrete action over time. But what does it actually mean to be a good ally? And what discussions exist within the queer community about this role?
Who is an ally?
Definitions of allyship vary, but a key point is that it is not a static identity—it is a role that requires active participation. As an individual interviewed on this topic, explains:
“Allies, people who, when alarmed about a concern, will support another person in need. People who will act when asked for help, who will share a piece of advice when asked for assistance, who will be there, just to make sure others are fine. Allies have an open mind, believe in freedom and kindness, and prioritize the well-being of every human being. An ally is always there when you need it. They do not judge, do not make an opinion on other people’s choices, they accept all things. They should be everyone, but not everyone is them.”
A good ally is not just someone who passively supports the community but someone willing to engage, learn, use their privilege to amplify LGBTQIA+ voices, and actively intervene against discrimination.
The internal debate in the queer community about allies
Within the LGBTQIA+ community, the role of allies is not without discussion and critique. Some of the key debates include:
1. The risk of performative allyship
Being an ally should not be about image. In many contexts, especially in corporations and the media, we see the phenomenon of rainbow-washing—using LGBTQIA+ symbols (such as the rainbow flag during Pride Month) without real commitment to queer rights. A true ally does not just show support when it is “convenient” but speaks up even when it might be uncomfortable.
2. The importance of listening and acknowledging privilege
An ally does not center themselves in the narrative but listens and learns from LGBTQIA+ experiences. As another individual interviewed on the topic pointed out:
“I believe an ally is someone who uses their resources to get informed about the experiences of people with less power, learns from them, listens to their needs, and actively works to amplify their voices, taking action to support sustainable change in power dynamics. They reflect on their own privileges and on how to use them responsibly, remain open to feedback, and commit to doing this in a sustained way, while also ensuring that their support is rooted in the lived experiences of those they aim to be allies to.”
A key discussion revolves around this: allies must be willing to reflect on their own privilege and accept feedback without reacting defensively or making themselves the focus of the conversation.
3. Who can call themselves an ally?
Some queer activists argue that the title of “ally” should not be self-declared but should be recognized by the LGBTQIA+ community. Calling oneself an ally without demonstrating concrete commitment can be seen as a form of appropriation or false solidarity.
4. Who is responsible for educating allies?
Being an ally means being willing to learn, but the debate centers on who should take responsibility for this education. Some LGBTQIA+ individuals find it frustrating to constantly explain basic issues to people not aware of them, while others believe that open dialogue is essential. Either way, a good ally should take responsibility for educating themselves rather than expecting queer people to always do the work for them.
5. Allies as amplifiers, not as the main voices
Another crucial point is that allies should not take up too much space in LGBTQIA+ movements, speaking for queer people instead of amplifying their voices. It is essential that they support queer leadership rather than overshadow it.
A mini-guide to being a "good enough" ally
Given this context, how can someone be a truly supportive ally? Here are some practical guidelines.
1. Keep listening and stay informed
Authentic allyship is active — it is driven by a constant curiosity to better understand the LGBTQIA+ world and the lived experiences of queer individuals. It is not a fixed destination but an ongoing process. Someone suggests remembering that ally is a verb: actions are more powerful than words.
2. Recognize and name diversity
Ignoring differences does not foster inclusion — it makes them invisible. For example, using the correct pronouns and names for a transgender or non-binary person is a simple yet powerful act of recognition and validation. This connects to the concept of micro-affirmations, small interpersonal interactions that communicate acceptance and respect. However, it is important to remember that some people do not ignore out of malice, but out of insecurity or fear of making mistakes: allies and LGBTQIA+ individuals can grow together, educating each other.
3. Accept that mistakes will happen, learn, and move forward
Making mistakes is inevitable, but the key is to not take feedback personally and to keep trying. Over-dramatizing mistakes (“Oh no, I used the wrong pronouns! I’m a terrible person!”) risks shifting the focus onto oneself rather than respecting the other person’s experience.
4. Protect confidentiality
Being aware of personal details about LGBTQIA+ individuals does not mean one has the right to share them. It is crucial to respect people’s decisions about where and with whom they feel comfortable being out.
5. Open up conversations
Being an ally is not just about offering private support — it is also about bringing these discussions into other spaces. Talking about LGBTQIA+ rights in family, work, and social settings helps normalize the conversation and spread awareness.
6. Intervene against discrimination
Having privilege (being cisgender, heterosexual, in a position of power, etc.) means having the ability to use it to counteract injustices. This involves actively stepping in when discrimination occurs, rather than expecting LGBTQIA+ individuals to always defend themselves.
7. Think intersectionally
The queer experience is not universal: an LGBTQIA+ person may also be black, disabled, an immigrant, or part of a religious minority. A good ally takes these intersections into account and fights for inclusion beyond just one axis of oppression.
Conclusion
Being an ally to the LGBTQIA+ community is not a symbolic act but a continuous commitment that requires listening, action, and self-awareness. As one of the individuals interviewed put it:
“For me, an ally in the LGBTQIA+ context is someone who actively supports and advocates for the rights, dignity, and inclusion of LGBTQIA+ individuals. This goes beyond passive acceptance; it involves listening, learning, challenging discrimination, and using one’s privilege to create safer and more equitable spaces.”
The issues related to oppression are everyone’s concern, not just the concern of those who are the targets of oppression. So allyship does not have to be perfect, but it should be good enough — with the goal of building a more inclusive world for everyone. In fact, while this article focuses on allyship toward the LGBTQIA+ community, it is important to recognize that allyship is not limited to one context or identity. Each of us can be an ally to others who experience different forms of marginalization or hold less power in specific areas of life — regardless of whether we identify as queer or not.
"Anyone can be an ally!"
To browse and gain a deeper understanding of the topic…
Books
Bishop, A. (2015). Becoming an Ally: Breaking the Cycle of Oppression in People. Zed Books.
Brown, A. D. (2021). I’m Not a Girl: Understanding Transgender Identities and Allyship. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
Case, K. A. (2012). Deconstructing Privilege: Teaching and Learning as Allies in the Classroom. Routledge.
Singh, A. A. (2018). The Queer and Transgender Resilience Workbook: Skills for Navigating Sexual Orientation & Gender Expression. New Harbinger Publications.
Whittlesey, C. (2021). The Beginner’s Guide to Being a Trans Ally. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Anzani, A., Solito, N., Ruscio, E. (2022). Alleatə. Voci trans a dialogo con la psicologia. Intra.
Articles
Broido, E. M. (2000). “The Development of Social Justice Allies During College: A Phenomenological Investigation.” Journal of College Student Development, 41(1), 3-18.
Edwards, K. E. (2006). “‘Aspiring Social Justice Ally Identity Development: A Conceptual Model’.” NASPA Journal, 43(4), 39-60.
Russell, G. M., & Bohan, J. S. (2016). “Institutional Allyship for LGBT Equality: Underlying Processes and Principles.” Journal of Social Issues, 72(2), 335-354.
Online resources
GLSEN. (2021). Ally’s Guide to Supporting LGBTQ Students. GLSEN Website
Human Rights Campaign. (2022). Being an LGBTQ+ Ally: Guide for Supporters. HRC Website
PFLAG. (2021). Guide to Being a Straight Ally. PFLAG Website
